All I sought was to be happy.

And following my path I had to wander through dark corners where my stumbling steps went mechanically. I had to crash again and again against my vain whims that gave me fleeting satisfactions.

I had to suffer.

Faithful to my path I had to touch the bottom of my abysses, where my intuition insistently called me. I had to face the thousand demons harassing me, go fully inside myself to the source of my suffering.

I had to understand my pain.

Devoted to my path I had to take responsibility for my disorder that tosses my emotions between attachment and rejection. I had to recognize that black and white are one single, inseparable color, and that to be happy I had to accept my misery.

I had to be equanimous.

My path clearer, I had to leave everything behind in this world of illusions. I had to give up my search for happiness and even the self who sought to be happy.

I had to surrender.

At peace on my path I had to return to the world to love it unconditionally. I had to give up even my giving up, to keep walking in this blessing of a life that gifts me pain, pleasure and the space to experience it all.

I had to live.

All I sought was to be happy.