I Feel You!

Sensation of sensations, everything is sensation.

From the most irrational force -fear-, the darkest refuge -belief-, to the most creative intuition -awakening-, everything is, for my human experience, only the unfolding of sensations recorded in the eye of my consciousness.

How many thoughts do I seem to see fluttering around me? How many do I let carry me away, taking on their partial truths as mine, riding them as if I had no center of my own? How many figures, assumptions, emotions and other delusions does my imagination take the liberty of showing me, as if I were living parallel movies in the course, also imaginary, of an instant?

Well, none of this exists, however vividly I have it written down. There is no mind, neither as an agent that impersonates me nor even as a mechanism that repeats my habits. I do it all. The mind does not exist; there is only a screen where I project what I want to see in pictures.

What can I bear witness to, then, about my human experience? Nothing more than sensations. My human expression unfolds on the physical plane, and any other possible reality is observed from my physical senses.

Am I surrounded by thoughts? Yes, the ones I am projecting, inspired by a more intimate perception. Somewhere in my body is where they travel, perhaps as heat, perhaps as tension, perhaps a knot. Something tightens inside me, and I conceive of it as a thought fluttering through my mind.

And every point of my body relates to a point in that space I call mind. It could be that a backache is, for me, an emotional weight that brings me down, or it could be that a vibration in my right leg makes me dream of a white horse running across the prairie. A tiny but insistent tension in my forehead would stand for an obsession about an unpaid loan, or an emptiness in my stomach would signal that I am afraid to take that decisive step.

Such a vast universe exists inside me, and I can feel it. The whole universe exists inside me, and perceiving it is within my reach.

And the immediacy with which I perceive it gives me the lucidity to process what I am feeling. Because when I don't pause to know that what I perceive is happening in here, I go outward. I get hypnotized by how colorful and eloquent those images I'm projecting are, and I forget they are my own drawings, that those thoughts are not real but express something more earthly, something more present.

This dazzlement I call belief. When I let my thoughts carry me away, when I identify with those eyes limited by a clouded, borrowed perspective, when I turn into an invented character starring in an unreal fairy tale, I say then that I lose focus on my center. As a consequence, my body fills with knots, my muscles harden with stress, my brain grows dull with anguish.

Meanwhile, where am I, as a human being? Still here, right where my body is. The sensations keep happening, even if I'm not listening to them. The physical processes that are part of this unfolding of life keep occurring, even if I'm absorbed in hundreds of notions and distracted by thousands of emotions.

I used to believe that being spiritual meant transcending dimensions and traveling through the spaces of heavens of delicious sublimity. I used to believe that evolving meant being superior to the senses of my body, rising up to perfect divinities. I believed, dazed by my beliefs, resisting my pains, addicted to my pleasures.

And yet everything is happening here. Here is my mastery, here is my pain, here too are all my distractions. There is no other place where anything can take place. And most importantly, here I am, not passing by but watching everything that passes before me.

I can land just by observing how earthly my experiences really are. I can express the power of my presence just by allowing life to be as it wants to be. I can smile in the middle of the storm just by contemplating the calm that shines at the center of my being.

I can awaken just by feeling my sensations, without preferences.